


Heart's Desire

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU after S11 - No BMoL, Buffy the Vampire Slayer References, Castiel and Netflix, Dean is Mistaken For Dead at the Beginning, F/M, M/M, Mary and Donna Are BFFs Now, Mary's Back, Oblivious Sam, Qareen - Freeform, Sam and Castiel's Lucifer's Vessel Support Group
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8841625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: Lucifer's dead and the world has been saved.  Dean's gone.  Cas is dealing with the aftermath of his possession by Lucifer.  Sam wants to help, but right now, there's not just a whole lot he can do.Then Dean returns, and he's brought their mother with him.  Dean's got Mom, so Sam can focus on helping Cas.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kandai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kandai/gifts), [under_a_grey_cloud](https://archiveofourown.org/users/under_a_grey_cloud/gifts), [the-dropout-and-the-junkie (elenajames)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=the-dropout-and-the-junkie+%28elenajames%29).



> Written for the Sastiel Big Bang: http://sastiel-bigbang.livejournal.com/
> 
> Art by kandai: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8840743  
> \- Kandai also helped with generating ideas and this story wouldn't be as good without that contribution!
> 
> Beta read by under_a_grey_cloud and thedropoutandthejunkie. Both of them gave awesome feedback.  
> (If you have work that needs a beta, under_a_grey_cloud is AWESOME and is always looking for work. I highly recommend her!)

Sam’s every instinct screamed for him to do something, anything. He wished he knew what to do. Dean was dead. He still felt guilty for doing nothing the last time Dean had died. If he saw Dean again in Heaven – he wasn’t sure exactly how the soul bomb was going to work, whether it would destroy Dean’s soul as well – Dean might be pissed at Sam for leaving him there.

At least this time, Sam wasn’t alone; he had Castiel for support. Sam never ceased to be amazed at how close he’d become with Dean’s angel. Sam had a tendency to lose his humanity with Dean dead, but maybe Castiel could help him make this time different.

“Sam, I’m so sorry. If you want to talk… I’m here if you need anything.” 

Normally, Sam would have forced a smile and pretended to be fine. It’s what he’d always done. With Dad, with Dean, with everyone. This time, he had a chance to break the pattern. He knew Castiel was probably hurting too, and would never believe Sam was fine. “I know, Cas. And eventually, I will. But right now, I just… I can’t. He’s gone.”

Castiel nodded his acceptance. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

“Of course. You gonna hang around for a while, or do you have stuff you need to do? Check on Claire, or something?” Sam hoped the angel would stay. The bunker would be too quiet without Castiel or Dean.

“I plan to stay here as long as I’m helpful. I have nothing more important to do than be here for you.” 

Sam’s eyes stung a little. As soon as Sam felt up to it, he was going to sit down with Castiel and make sure that his friend knew Sam cared about him far beyond being a meatshield or a sacrificial pawn. Sam loved his life, but he couldn’t do it without his brother. But maybe, just maybe, if Cas were willing…

Sam wandered into his bedroom. It was too early to go to sleep, but he didn’t have the energy to do anything else. Castiel followed him, making good on his promise to Dean to look after his brother.

Cas turned on the TV and flipped through Netflix’s suggestions. “What kind of name is Buffy?”

Sam glanced at the screen. “It’s supposedly a nickname for Elizabeth, but I don’t get it. The show’s pretty good, although the lore’s way off on the supernatural creatures. And one of the main characters is named Angel, so that’s a little weird now that I’ve actually met angels.”

“Is she one?”

Sam blinked. “Is who one what?”

“Angel. Is she an actual angel?”

“No, he’s… I don’t want to spoil anything, so I’ll just leave it at that. If you can accept that their world’s different from ours and demons and vampires and stuff work differently there, I think you’ll like it.” Sam took the remote from Castiel to start the first episode.


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel didn’t take long to decide that Sam was correct, and that Buffy was a show he was going to like. Unlike when he’d had every movie ever made shoved into his head all at once, Castiel got to experience TV shows like humans did, letting the story unfold, and he enjoyed the experience. Sam’s commentary made watching TV even better.

Sam fell asleep not far into the fifth episode, so Castiel switched to The Blue Planet, the show he’d been watching before. Sam grunted a little when Castiel gently lifted him and pulled the blanket free, but he didn’t wake up. Castiel settled the blanket over Sam and smoothed a lock of hair back out of his face before settling back down on the bed to learn how humans understood – or failed to understand – their own planet.

Suddenly, Castiel was jolted by Sam thrashing beside him. He was clearly in the throes of a nightmare. Castiel was able to guide Sam’s dreams, but when they’d first started doing this, Sam had asked him not to interfere unless they were threatening to wake him. Castiel understood why. His dreams were a way for Sam to process the bad things that had happened to him, but he very strongly disagreed that Sam deserved the nightmares as punishment for his past. So when Sam started moving and crying out in his sleep, Castiel tried to ignore him and concentrate on the strange creatures David Attenborough was describing, to let Sam deal with Dean’s death through nightmares if it would help him. Sam was harder to ignore when he cried out the name “Lucifer”. When Sam screamed, Castiel could no longer ignore it and ended the dream. Sam’s sleep became peaceful. Silencing his own thoughts was much harder as memories of Lucifer forced their way to the surface.

Castiel didn’t regret having said yes to Lucifer. Lucifer may not have been able to stop Amara as he had promised, but he had helped slow Amara down. Sometimes it had even been fun to watch Lucifer at work. He had expected Lucifer to trap him in his own nightmares, but for the most part, Lucifer ignored him, even making space in his mind for Castiel to watch TV in a simulation of the bunker’s kitchen. He’d even arranged for Castiel to actually get signal so he could watch new shows instead of endless reruns of things he’d already seen. Ultimately, Castiel’s choice had even led to Lucifer’s demise when Amara got pushed hard enough. Nothing but a literal act of God could allow Lucifer to come back to menace the world ever again.

He did, however, regret many of the things Lucifer had done while occupying his vessel. None more so than allowing him to hurt Sam. Lucifer’s punishment for Castiel’s interference had been severe, but nothing Lucifer could do was worse than seeing the look on Sam’s face when he realized what Castiel had done. And yet, after Lucifer had been expelled, Sam had been nothing but kind. He treat Castiel with the same warmth as before his possession. He still trusted Castiel enough to fall asleep in his presence.

Castiel’s mind was brought back to the present when Sam’s sleeping became lighter, signaling that he would wake up soon. He carefully got out of bed and went to the kitchen to start the coffeemaker. The coffee was ready almost exactly when Sam stumbled in, hair in his face, still in the same clothes.

Sam accepted the cup of coffee and took a sip. “Thanks, Cas. What are we doing today?”

Castiel shrugged. “I have no specific plans. We can continue watching Buffy’s story, or go into town, whatever you want to do. Just so you know, I will make you eat something other than coffee at some point today, if you don’t decide to eat on your own.”

That earned a brief smile from Sam. “Okay. I need a shower, but then let’s continue Buffy.”


	3. Chapter 3

Sam was sleeping when Castiel heard the Bunker’s front door open. He drew his blade and went to investigate. The voice he heard was impossible. It shouldn’t be there. “I know this isn’t the life you wanted for us, Mom, but check it out. Sam and me, we’ve done pretty well for ourselves.”

Castiel advanced into the library. The man coming down the stairs certainly looked like Dean, and the woman with him was Mary Campbell Winchester. Both of them should be dead. But he couldn’t sense anything wrong with either of them. “Dean?”

Dean held up his hands. “It’s me, Cas. Don’t be a dick and come meet Mom.”

Castiel kept his blade ready, but moved forward. “How are you – either of you – here?”

“Turns out all Amara really wanted was for her brother to love her, and once she realized he did, she decided that his creation was pretty okay and changed her mind about destroying it. To thank me for the pep talk about brotherly love, she brought Mom back.” Dean rolled his eyes at Castiel’s continued wariness. “Me and Sammy are bad influences on you. What do I have to do to prove it’s me? Silver good? Salt? Think we can skip the holy water. You’d know if I were demonic.”

“Good enough.” Castiel lowered his blade and crossed the few steps it took to hug Dean. “Hello, Mary. It’s good to meet you.”

“Um, hi?” Mary held out a hand, which Castiel took between both of his. “Who are you? Are you a hunter?”

“Mom, this is Cas. Sam and I have kind of adopted him as our brother. You’re gonna love him, I promise.” Dean grinned, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “Remember how you used to say angels were watching over us? You have no idea how right you were. Cas is our angel.”

Mary raised an eyebrow. “Meaning…?”

“Meaning that I am, literally, an Angel of the Lord. One who has chosen your sons over Heaven so many times that I’m no longer welcome there.”

“So you’re a real angel? Wings and halo and all?” There wasn’t much resemblance between Mary and Sam, but the look on Mary’s face now was identical to the one Sam had worn when Dean told him who the stranger in their room was, the day he and Sam first met. “This is… I don’t know what to say. A real angel!”

“The wings and halo are not as you imagine them, particularly not my wings. My grace was badly damaged a few years ago. Even though it’s been healing, my wings have not recovered enough for me to fly.”

Dean glared suspiciously at Cas. “It’s been healing? You didn’t mention that before.”

“Very slowly, compared to the rate angels usually heal. Maybe in fifty years I’ll be able to fly again. Given the slowness, it took some time for me to be sure it was healing and not just me relearning my limits. It wasn’t relevant to the situation with Amara, so I decided not to bring it up until after we’d dealt with her.”

“Dammit, Cas…” Dean shook his head. “Where’s Sammy, anyway? Would’ve expected him to be out here investigating by now.”

“Asleep. I didn’t want to wake him for a false Dean. I’ll go get him.” Castiel turned and headed for Sam’s room.

 

Cas’s gentle shake woke Sam almost immediately. “Sam, come with me. Dean’s alive.”

Sam sat straight up. “Are you sure it’s him?” It didn’t seem possible. Sam was probably dreaming. He reached for his gun, just in case.

“I’m sure. You won’t need that.” Sam took it anyway. Dean would understand.

As soon as he reached the library, the gun was forgotten. Dean was there. Castiel said it was him. The weight of Dean’s death fell from his heart, and he closed the distance to hug his brother to re-ground himself.

It was still Dean, though, so he pulled back all too soon. “Sammy. Look who’s here.”

Sam looked where Dean was pointing. The blonde curls, the green eyes… he’d seen the face in photographs, and a younger version in the past. It took him a minute to place it, and when he did, he couldn’t believe it. His voice shook a little as he whispered, “Mom?”

“Hi, Sam.” Mary came to hug him. “You got tall.”

“Oh my god.” Sam hugged back. This wasn’t possible, and yet, here Mom was. “How… Dean, what…”

“Amara. I convinced her of the power of love, and I guess she brought Mom back to say thanks.” Dean shrugged. “It’s her, near as I can tell. Don’t know of anyone else who’d know her well enough to say.”

Castiel nodded. “It’s her. I don’t know how, but with Chuck and Amara, there’s very little that’s impossible.”

Sam stepped back and then glared at Dean. “There a reason you’ve let me believe you were dead for two days, you jerk?”

“Two days? Sammy, this was two hours ago.” Dean looked closer at Sam. Sam hadn’t shaved and he was wearing different clothes. “Cas? Got any explanations?”

“I don’t know, Dean, but for Sam and me, it’s been two days since we sent you off to stop Amara. Whatever happened, I’m just glad you’re back now.” Castiel started toward the stairs. “I should go, give you two some time with your mother.”

“What?” Sam moved to get in Castiel’s way. “Cas, we’re not kicking you out, this is your home too. Stay here, get to know Mom. I know Dean got the chance to talk to you, before, but I still owe you an apology. You’re part of this family, and we care about you a lot more than just as a weapon.”

“Yeah. Cas, you’re family. Stick around.” Dean moved to stand beside Sam. Between the two of them, there was no way for Cas to get to the stairs.

“They say you’re family. Well, I want a chance to get to know my family,” Mary added. “Stick around. Help them catch me up with this century.”

Castiel looked up at the doors, but finally nodded. “I’ll stay, if that’s really what you wish.”


	4. Chapter 4

Mary followed her nose to the kitchen. Someone was making coffee. Dean and Sam had given her a tour of the bunker the night before, but she was so overwhelmed by everything that had changed since she was last alive that she hadn’t really been able to absorb much. She’d find her way around eventually.

When she got to the kitchen, it was Castiel she found. “Angels drink coffee?”

“This angel does. Your sons have been a bad influence on me.” Castiel offered her the mug. “I can make more.”

Mary was about to refuse and say she was perfectly capable of making coffee herself, but then she saw the coffee machine. It looked like something out of a science fiction movie. “Can you show me how this thing works?”

“Of course.” Castiel pulled out a bucket of plastic cups and handed it to her. “What flavor would you like?”

Coffee came in flavors now. Of course it did. After a quick rummage through the bucket, she chose one labeled Cinnamon Roll. Before she died, she’d always added cinnamon to her coffee. John used to tease her about it. “I feel so lost here. Thirty years… everything’s completely changed.”

“I don’t know which would be worse, having to relearn so much of what you thought you knew because things have changed so much, or having to learn everything from scratch because you’re not human. I remember my first moments on Earth. They were jarring.” Castiel showed her how to use the science fiction coffee maker. “Fortunately, your sons have both been very good about teaching me. I’m sure they’ll teach you, too.”

Mary watched the machine in fascination. As soon as it finished, Castiel handed her the cup. Mary took a cautious sip. It was delicious.

“Speaking of my boys, where are they?”

“Out getting supplies. And meeting a friend. They should be back fairly soon.”

“How did you end up here, Castiel? I’ve never heard of an angel actually coming to Earth before, other than in old Bible stories, let alone living down here.”

“You don’t… of course you don’t remember. You have met angels before, but your memory was erased.” Cas shook his head. “I was sent to Earth to assist Dean with an important task. Several times now, I’ve been put in a position that required me to choose between Heaven and the Winchesters. I nearly always chose the Winchesters.”

“What task?”

Castiel looked away. “I don’t believe you’ll like the full story much, but I’ll tell it if you want to hear it anyway.”

Whether she liked it or not, she needed to know what happened. “Tell me.”

“I met Dean when I was part of the raiding party sent to retrieve him from Hell.”

Castiel had warned her that she wouldn’t like it, but she wasn’t prepared for that answer. “Hell? What was my son doing in Hell?”

“You don’t want to know. We retrieved him so that…” Castiel stopped and sighed. “At the time, I believed I was helping Dean to stop Lucifer from rising. My superior’s real goal was to convince Dean to serve as Michael’s vessel during the Apocalypse.”

Mary wasn’t entirely sure she believed this. “Dean mentioned something about the Apocalypse, but I thought he was kidding. What happened? Why did Michael need Dean?”

“In Heaven, angels exist in a different form. When we come to Earth, we must find someone willing to allow us to use their bodies as a host. Dean is the best fit for Michael, and Michael wanted the best.”

Mary smiled at that. “So what happened? Because I’m pretty sure Dean would have told me if the Apocalypse had happened."

“Heaven made some crucial mistakes. Unfortunately, so did I, even after I chose to support the Winchesters instead of Heaven. Lucifer rose, starting the Apocalypse. Sam, Dean, and I worked together to put Lucifer back in his cage, which stopped the Apocalypse before the worst could come to pass.”

“Lucifer. _The_ Lucifer? My sons took on the goddamn devil with one angel as backup and won? You’re making this up.” He had to be. Who knew angels had such a twisted sense of humor?

“We had other help. Not much, but we couldn’t have done it without Bobby Singer, an old friend of the boys’. Unfortunately, winning came with a terrible cost. To get Lucifer back in his cage, it was necessary to trap Sam as well.”

Mary laughed. “Okay, now I know you’re making this up, because Sam’s not in some cage in Hell. He’s… out grocery shopping with his brother.”

“We got him out. Lucifer’s not in the cage anymore, either. But that’s another long, unbelievable story.” Castiel set down his empty mug. “I don’t blame you for doubting me. This must be overwhelming to hear. Both Dean and Sam managed to do the seemingly impossible during those two years. Those two have saved the world at least three times over now. They’re heroes.”

“What about you? Are you a hero, too?”

Castiel shook his head. “I’m no hero. Every time I try, I thoroughly screw up and make things worse. But I’m content to be Sam and Dean’s sidekick, as long as I’m useful.”

Mary looked at her empty cup of coffee. The Apocalypse, vessels, her sons being heroes, those were all too much. Coffee, she thought she could handle. “Let’s see if I can manage this thing.” She chose another plastic tub of coffee and put it in the machine. She could feel Castiel looking over her shoulder, but she remembered the buttons well enough. “So you’re their sidekick… is that why they put you on Mary-sitting duty while they got to go out?”

“No. I stayed because Sam and Dean discovered long ago that in order for them both to be satisfied with the results of a trip to the grocery store, they both needed to go. For some reason, Sam never remembers to get pie, and Dean is hopeless when it comes to picking out fruit and vegetables that meet with Sam’s approval. And right now, Sam’s not willing to let Dean out of his sight. Not after thinking Dean was dead again.”

Mary raised an eyebrow. “You make it sound like they have experience with Dean being dead.”

“Had Dean actually died this time, it would have been… not counting all the times Gabriel killed him in Broward County and then immediately brought him back…” Castiel trailed off, and eventually shrugged in defeat. “I don’t even know. Do I count the times he’s temporarily killed himself to talk to a Reaper? Was he technically dead when we were blown to Purgatory? He’s died somewhere between five and twelve times, probably. Sam’s a bit clearer. He’s died… at least five times that I know of, but I know he committed suicide at least once during a time when I wouldn’t have been able to sense it, and though I’ve never asked, I suspect there were multiple deaths during that period.”

“Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound right now? My boys are alive. Not dead. And death is…” But it wasn’t necessarily permanent, was it? Mary had made a deal to bring John back from the dead. She was back from the dead herself. One get out of death free card was believable, but Castiel made it sound like her boys had installed a revolving door to the afterlife.

“Most of their deaths happened while your boys were pawns in a war between Heaven and Hell, both of which have the power to raise the dead. John made a deal for Dean, the first time, and Dean made a deal for Sam after his first death. Which, incidentally, is how he ended up in Hell in need of rescue.”

Well, that cleared that up. Castiel had apparently misunderstood her earlier question about what Dean was doing in Hell. Once again, Mary focused on what she could get her mind around now. John made a deal for Dean. “So John’s in Hell now?” Mary hated that thought almost as much as she hated having learned that John had become a hunter and raised her boys in the life. John didn’t deserve Hell.

“No… he escaped when a gate opened. I have no idea where he is now. He’s not in Heaven, and he’s not a spirit here on Earth.”

“Huh.” Mary didn’t know what to say to that. She was saved from having to figure it out by the sound of a familiar rumbling engine.

She followed Castiel to the garage and smiled at the sight of the Impala. When she’d seen it the day before, Dean made it obvious that the Impala was the brothers’ real home. Seeing it again reminded her how much she had adored the car. Especially now, with so much else changed, the Impala was still there, still gleaming and rumbling like it had when she was alive.

Her boys were gathering up grocery bags, accompanied by a woman who insisted, “If I can chop the head off a vampire, I can carry a couple bags of groceries!”

Mary rolled her eyes and headed into the fray. “I would have raised you better than this, boys. If she says she’s willing and able to help, then let her help!”

The woman gave Mary a huge smile and stuck out a hand. “Hey there! You must be Mary Winchester. I’m Donna Hanscum, a friend of your boys. They asked me to come give you a hand with fitting into our decade. Your boys are wonderful people, but they have no idea when it comes to being a woman.”

Mary laughed as she took Donna’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Donna. Are you a hunter?”

“Only as a side job. My day job’s a sheriff. Happened to have some vacation time coming, so when I got the call, I thought why not? I owe your boys some favors. Want to go shopping?”

“I’m not really…”

“The Men of Letters were a bit on the sexist side, you know? So there’s not much here that would fit you. I don’t know what it’s like to be back from the dead, but I can’t imagine I’d want to wear the clothes I died in all the time. Especially if I died in a nightgown!”

Mary looked down at herself. The clothes she was wearing were far too big for her, and it showed. “Good point. But I don’t have…”

“Mom, you’re family. Here.” Dean handed Mary his wallet. “Go nuts.” After a moment’s hesitation, he handed her the keys to the Impala. “Have fun.”


	5. Chapter 5

Sam found Castiel sitting alone in one of the storerooms, knees curled up to his chest and shivering. “Hey. What’s wrong, Cas?”

Castiel glanced up at him and shook his head. “It’s nothing. I’ll be okay once this passes.”

“Bullshit. I know that look. I taught you that look. That’s the ‘I’m not fine but please pretend I am so I don’t have to dump any of my shit on you’ look.” Sam carefully sank to sit beside Castiel.

The moment Sam reached out to touch Cas, the angel drew away. “Sam, don’t… I can’t. Not right now. I don’t deserve it, not from you of all people.”

“It’s Lucifer, isn’t it.” It was the only reason he could imagine why Castiel would draw away from him. Sam was Lucifer’s true vessel. It should have been him hosting Lucifer, not Cas.

Castiel nodded. “Which is why I can’t talk to you about it. Please, Sam. Lucifer’s already done so much to you. You don’t need to hear more. And you had it a lot worse than I did, so I don’t want to whine about my relatively painless experience.”

“You know, I’m the only other person alive who knows what it’s like to be an archangel’s vessel, let alone Lucifer, so if there’s anyone who has a chance of understanding what you went through, it would be me. And even then… I know your vessel is strong, but it’s not Lucifer’s true vessel, and you didn’t have enough warning to strengthen yourself with demon blood. Would that even work for an angel? I can’t imagine the kind of agony you must have endured, hosting all that power.”

“You’re wrong. I did have some warning. True vessel or not… better me than you, if God wanted Lucifer free to help deal with Amara.”

Sam pulled his hand back. “You didn’t have faith in me to say no?”

“Once you learned your visions were from Lucifer, not God, then yes, I did believe you’d refuse him. But if things had gotten desperate enough… you’ve sacrificed yourself before, because it was the only way forward. And if it truly had been Chuck telling you to bring Lucifer out of the cage to fight Amara…” Castiel shook his head. “You still have such strong faith that it sometimes blinds me. I don’t know how you do it. I had nothing else to contribute to the fight, but Dean needed you to help him resist his connection with Amara. Good strategy is sacrificing the least valuable asset.”

“Okay, I’m going to interrupt you there, Cas.” Sam reached out and took Castiel’s hand, happy that Cas didn’t flinch away from him this time. “I know you’ve been struggling with the limitations of your damaged grace, but even when you were completely without any angel mojo, you were never useless. You’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever known, and you’ve had millennia to learn so much that I could never even imagine. Even powerless, you’re a damn good fighter. Human, fully powered Seraph, or whatever stage in between, I’ve always felt better walking into a fight knowing you had my back.” He squeezed Cas’s hand. “But even more importantly, you’re family. That’s not about being useful or powerful. We care about you. I’m so sorry we ever made you feel that the only reason we want you around was as more ammo, and that sacrificing yourself to Lucifer was the only way you could help this time.”

“You and Dean say that now, but it hasn’t always felt that way. When I’m fighting so many of my own personal battles, it’s all too easy to remember the times you both have left me to fight alone when I needed you the most, and forget the times you’ve been there for me. It’s easy to remember standing in that ring of fire hearing you ask if I left your soul behind on purpose, but not so easy to remember you reaching out to me, believing in me even after I broke your wall and refused to listen to you because you’d done what you felt you had to.”

Sam dropped Castiel’s hand and pulled the angel into a hug. “I know that feeling, too. It’s a crap feeling, hearing you call me the boy with the demon blood and finding that easier to remember and believe than hearing you say that nothing is worth losing me.”

“There’s only one of those that’s still relevant, and it’s not the demon blood.”

“I know, Cas. You took on Lucifer so I wouldn’t have to. I don’t like that you did it, I’m his true vessel, I could have handled his power…”

“And he would have had the opportunity to punish you cruelly for months. Again. I couldn’t let that happen.”

“I just want to make sure you know it goes both ways here. There is nothing that is worth losing you. Not to me.” Castiel nodded. “Did you actually drink demon blood? I know your vessel is pretty strong, but an archangel…”

“No. I haven’t spent anywhere near as much time in Hell as Lucifer has, so my grace would still react badly to demon blood. It would have been worse for me if I had than it was without.”

“Heh. Makes sense.”

Castiel paused a moment. “Do you still think of me as completely separate from my vessel? Even though I’m alone in here?”

“Well, keep in mind where I’m coming from. My body hasn’t really been mine since I was six months old. Meg, Lucifer, Gadreel, Crowley… you could make an argument for the dick I was without my soul… I’ve lost count of how many times something other than me has been in control. So, yes, I do still think of you as an angel borrowing a human body, but I get your attachment to it.”

“I see. Thank you for talking to me, despite my reservations, Sam. You’re right, you do know what it’s like. The problem is that after Lucifer nearly killed you, whenever he needed to talk to me, he appeared as you. Most of the time I can feel your soul, and Lucifer could never mimic that. But right in the middle of falling apart…”

“Yeah. Yeah, I get it. Once we learned about you, there were times when Lucifer looked like you in my nightmares. Thanks to you I’m not having hallucinations and panic attacks anymore, but I can see how coming out of one to see the same person apparently standing there…”

“Sam, I am so sorry about breaking your wall.”

Sam smiled at Cas. “Don’t be. The wall’s down, I survived, I don’t have a time bomb ticking in my head anymore, Purgatory helped you recover from taking on the memories yourself so you’re okay… in a way, it’s kinda the best thing that could’ve happened.”

“The best thing that could have happened is if I’d actually gotten your soul out like I meant to.”

“The best thing that could have happened is I never let Lucifer out in the first place, but that’s not the point. The point is that I’ve forgiven you – for the wall and the mistake with my soul, and I do believe it was a mistake. I know it’s hard, but when you remember how you failed, try to remember this conversation, too. We both survived. That’s the bottom line. We’re still here, we’re both relatively whole, and between us at least, everything’s forgiven.”


	6. Chapter 6

Donna’s energy was infectious. After spending the morning trying on clothes, Mary was starting to feel much better. So when Dean called and offered to meet up with them for lunch, Mary was more than happy to agree.

Dean met them at a diner he knew made a good cheeseburger. Dean slid into the side of the booth with the slightly ripped seat, letting Mary and Donna share the other side.

“Where’s Sam?” Mary asked.

Dean grabbed menus and handed them out. “Cas had a bad morning, Sam stayed behind to help him calm down. Not sure when Sam turned into Doctor Phil, but apparently he’s good at dealing with angel freakouts.”

“Who’s… you know what, never mind. I can work on pop culture later.” They were interrupted by the waitress taking orders. “So… Castiel.”

Dean looked warily at his mother. “What about him?”

“He’s not what I expected angels would be like.”

Dean laughed. “Oh, you have no idea. Angels are bigger dicks than demons, except for Cas. There’s a couple other good ones we’ve met. Demons, at least you expect the complete disregard for humans and sadistic streak. Believe me, Cas is one of the few angels worth knowing.”

“He said he pulled you out of Hell.”

“Yeah. I made a deal to bring Sam back. Stupid move, kickstarted the Apocalypse, but Sam was dead. I couldn’t just leave him that way. Cas hauled Sammy out of Hell, too, when Sam jumped in to end the Apocalypse. You’d have been so proud of him.”

“Cas said you got Sam out, but he didn’t say it was him specifically…”

“Yeah, well, it was complicated and he kind of screwed it up and things were really bad for a while, so he’s not gonna say anything about it. Just the fact that he tried… and here’s another reason for you to be proud of Sam. He grew up to be the most forgiving person I have ever met. Except when it came to Dad, for some reason. Him and Dad were… for five years, Sam was convinced Dad hated him and never wanted to see him again.”

“What happened to John? Oh, you probably don’t know, you don’t remember your father the way he was before the fire. You may remember him the way a four-year-old saw his hero, but you were too little to really know what he was like.”

“I know the fire messed him up. He got paranoid and obsessed and couldn’t think of anything but revenge. I kind of remember there was a time when he moved out for a few days, not long before the fire? Angel used it to try to break me. But after the fire, Dad remembered the marriage as perfect. You were perfect. And the demon had taken you from him. I don’t… I know he found out about Sam and the blood, but I don’t know if he ever knew about your deal with Yellow Eyes.”

“You know about it?”

“Yeah, bastard wiped your memory, but Cas sent me through time twice. Both times ended up with me meeting you. First time Cas wanted me to know why Sam had demon blood. The second time, another angel was trying to kill Sam. Sam was protected, thanks to Cas, but you and Dad would’ve been vulnerable.”

“And Cas wiped my memory of all of this?”

“No, Michael did. Because I warned you what was coming and tried to change it. At the very least, you’d have told us that angels are dicks, not that they were watching over us. We’d have been warned and had even more reason to tell those flying asshats no.”

“Oh. That’s… messing with someone’s memory like that is just cruel. Why would anyone do that?”

“In Michael’s case, to protect the future he wanted. In other cases… to protect people? To let people have normal lives instead of knowing what’s really out there?” Dean shrugged. He really didn’t want to talk about Lisa. “Anyway, Dad did the best he could with me and Sam, but he kinda screwed us up a lot, too. Sam less than me. I could shield Sam from the worst of it, but I stopped being a kid the night of the fire.”

“So you and Sam… you’re happy? As hunters? You don’t want something else?”

“Sam and I have both tried. Didn’t go well. Sam got out and went to college, didn’t graduate but Mom, your baby boy went to Stanford. Full-ride scholarship.”

“Wow.”

“I know, right? He was gonna go to law school, become a hotshot lawyer, save the world… and then his girlfriend got killed by Yellow Eyes and he came back to the hunt. Sucks, right?”

“That damned demon. It’s my fault, you know. I made a deal, for John. He said it was something I’d never miss, and that no one would get hurt, and in my grief over John and my parents I was stupid enough to believe him. Did you get him?”

“Yeah. Not in time to save Sammy, though. A few days earlier and Sam would’ve never died. He could’ve retired, gone back to school…”

“Don’t feel bad for me, Mom.” Mary jumped as Sam slid into the booth beside Dean. “I have a job I love with a brother I can count on and a best friend I could never have dreamed of. I know you didn’t want this for us, and I get it. But lots of people have it worse.”

“But you haven’t found someone to settle down with? It’s not impossible for hunters. My whole family is proof of that.” From what she’d seen, it wasn’t that there was something wrong with her boys. That her boys were somehow unlovable. Which made her wonder why her boys were still unattached.

Sam shrugged. “Tried a couple times. Both of us have. It’s just… every time we try to leave the life we get sucked back in, Dean tried hunting with a girl to go home to and it didn’t work out very well, and most hunters don’t much like us because of some of the things we’ve done. Kinda limits our options. But it’s okay, really. I won’t speak for Dean, but I’m happy here. Doing this.”

“How’s Cas?” Dean asked.

Sam huffed a soft breath. “Would you believe sleeping? So I decided to come join you after all. Last thing he needs is to see me if he wakes up from a nightmare where Lucifer looks like me, and if he doesn’t, I have a feeling he’ll be out for a couple of hours.”


	7. Chapter 7

Mary and Donna had a great time shopping, and getting to know each other. When they returned to the bunker, Mary collapsed into a chair in the library. Infectiously vivacious companion or no, shopping was way more exhausting than fighting ghosts. Dean came out to check on her, and Mary smiled at him. “Marry that woman.”

Dean glanced over at Donna and the huge smile on her face. “I take it shopping went well?”

“You betcha. Your mom’s great, Dean. We picked up dinner, too. Just needs heating up.”

“Awesome. Need help carrying stuff in?”

“Sure thing! If you don’t mind grabbing the food while I figure out your kitchen? Mary tells me it’s complicated.”

“Not a problem. Let me grab Sam.”

Mary forced herself out of the chair. “Go get the food. I’ll get Sam.” She headed down the hallway and knocked on Sam’s door. He called for her to come in. He was stretched out on the bed with Cas sitting beside him, watching TV. “Hey. Dean’s starting dinner, should be about fifteen minutes.”

Sam glanced at the TV. “Okay. Cas, go ahead and finish this episode without me, I know what happens and I don’t much like the ending.” He squeezed Cas’s hand and handed him the remote. “If you want to start the next one, it’s not a big favorite either. Not so good memories of high school for me. My prom was kind of a disaster.”

“Come get me for dinner, then.”

“Of course.” Sam got up and headed out with Mary.

“What are you watching?”

“A show about vampires and other monsters. The lore’s bad, but the characters are great, and I love the writing.” Sam shrugged, a rueful smile crossing his face. “I promise, I don’t usually watch hunting shows on TV.”

“What’s wrong with the end of the episode you were watching?”

“The main character’s dating a vampire, and they have this talk about how he’s immortal and she’s not and their relationship won’t last because of that. I mean, it’s a good point, and they’re not wrong, but it’s not something I like to think about.”

“Oh.” Mary glanced back at the door, brain racing as she thought about Cas on Sam’s bed to watch TV with him. “What happened at your prom?”

“Well, for starters, Dad moved us into the school like three days before, so I didn’t have much time to make plans. Had a date, but between the lack of time to prepare and me being me, it didn’t go all that well. I found out just how not well it went later that night when Dean came back to the motel room with a girl and it was my date. At the time, I was pissed, but looking back… kinda hilarious, you know?”

“Did Dean know before he brought her back to the room?”

“No. And Mom, don’t tell him this, he doesn’t need to know, but even if I’d still been mad, I learned something years later that would have definitely satisfied any need for revenge I could have wanted. My prom date was actually possessed by a demon, keeping an eye on me for Yellow Eyes. Which may well be why she slept with Dean in the first place, just to make sure I was still hurt and upset enough that I handled leaving for Stanford the way I did, shutting Dean out too when Dad and I got into a fight.”

Mary burst into laughter. “That’s awful! Dean slept with a demon and you don’t want me to tell him?”

“Nah. I mean, I slept with a demon too, and I knew she was a demon at the time.” Sam pushed his hair back behind his ear. “Am I helping Dean or bringing stuff in from the car?”

“Why don’t you set the table? We have company.”


	8. Chapter 8

After dinner, Donna went to bed early and Sam and Cas went back to their Buffy marathon, while Dean and Mary finished off the remains of dessert. Mary picked at her pie. “Dean, if I ask you something, will you give me a straight answer?”

Dean blinked and swallowed a mouthful of cherry. “Okay, that’s not scary at all. Ask away. I’ll give you a straight answer or no answer.”

“Is Sam homosexual?” She had a feeling that probably wasn’t the right word, and Dean’s face wasn’t exactly reassuring her fears. “Or whatever the term is in 2016. I’m still catching up, remember. Does Sam like boys?”

“That a problem for you? Because, well… times have changed. A lot.”

“He’s my son. I just want him to be safe and happy. If I can’t have both, then I’ll settle for happy.”

“It’s a lot safer now than it was back in the 70s and 80s. Sam’s not… gender doesn’t matter to him. It’s all about the person. Usually he picks girls, but he’s mentioned a boyfriend from back in college. Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering about him and Castiel. They’re really close, and the way they look at each other, touch each other… have you noticed?”

Dean stared at her for a good long time before snorting with laughter. “Cas and Sam. Oh wow. Sam’ll get a kick out of this. Usually it’s me people accuse Cas of being in love with. Thank you. Thank you for not being one of them.” Dean jumped to his feet and reached across the table to hug his mother. “Cas and Sam? They haven’t told me anything, which I’m pretty sure they would have if there were anything to tell, but now that you mention it…”

“So you see it.”

“I see the possibility. Not gonna go embarrassing them or anything. If we’re right, they’ll tell me when they’re ready, and if we’re wrong… been on the receiving end of that. But with those two, it’s quite possible they could use a kick in the ass to see it themselves.”

“So how do we kick them in the ass?”

“Not sure yet. Let me think about it. I never thought I’d say it, but with Cas, I actually feel like I found someone who’s worthy of Sammy. So if we can make it happen…”


	9. Chapter 9

There were several things Sam had not expected to see when he and Mary met up with Dean and Cas at the motel. First, Donna was there instead of on her way back to Minnesota. Second, Donna was trying to kill Dean. Third, after knocking her back far enough that they had a moment to breathe, Castiel grabbed Dean and hauled him in for a kiss. Fourth, Donna vanished.

Mary grabbed Sam’s arm. “I have no idea what that was, but I’m sure it wasn’t what it looked like.”

“I don’t care what it was. Why was one of our friends trying to kill Dean? What happened in the first place? That’s not like Donna.” Sam stalked over to Dean and Cas. He’d deal with his feelings about the kiss later. Right now, there were far more important issues to pay attention to.

The guilt on Dean’s face when he caught sight of Sam wasn’t helping. Dean cleared his throat. “Hey, Sam. Uh, we figured out what’s killing these people.”

“Yeah?” Sam crossed his arms and glared. “What?”

“A qareen. Dean tells me you encountered one last year?” Castiel looked over at Dean. “I have to say, I approve of Dean’s desire. Donna is a good match for him.”

“Shut up.” Dean smacked Castiel’s arm. “Yeah, though. Qareen. Not sure how long we have before it regroups and comes after Cas. It didn’t take long for it to come after me.”

“Great. So we’re looking for a witch? Any leads on where the qareen’s heart is?” Mary asked.

Dean shook his head. “I’ve got an address and phone number for the victim I saved. I’ll get in touch with her and see what she knows. Sammy, stick close to Cas, okay? That qareen comes after him before we know where its heart is…”

“Yeah, I know.” Sam did not particularly relish the thought. It wasn’t that he objected to kissing Cas, or to saving him from the qareen, it just didn’t feel right. Especially since Cas didn’t exactly look comfortable with it, either. He bit his lip, but managed to make himself offer Cas the out. “Unless you’d rather have Mom with you…?”

“No, I… I don’t mind you, Sam. Although it does leave you in a bit of an awkward situation if you need rescue. It can’t be helped, and I’m sorry, but…”

“Hey, we could call Dean’s girlfriend. I bet Donna, and Jody for that matter, would get down here as quick as they could if we asked.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Great. I’m gonna be hearing about this forever, aren’t I.”

“Yep. Brother’s privilege. And hey – I definitely like this version of your qareen better than the last one. This one’s not all… squicky. You and Donna would make an awesome couple.”

“Donna’s a good woman. I’m a little weirded out by the thought of my son having a girlfriend older than me…”

Dean smirked. “Hey, just think about Sammy.”

Mary looked blank for a minute and then started laughing. “Oh my god. Yes. You have a very good point there.”

“What point is that?” Sam asked.

Mary shifted her feet a little, exchanging a quick glance with Dean. “My baby boy is older than I am now. Even if we count time dead, because time for me went at the same rate as Earth, while you boys both experienced serious time dilation in Hell.”

Sam looked between the two. “What’s going on with you guys? You’ve been acting weird all week.” He looked over to Cas, who just shrugged.

Dean smacked Sam’s shoulder. “Never mind, just get out of here. The qareen’s gonna be back any minute, and if Cas is still here…”

Cas headed for his car, Sam right behind him. Cas pulled out of the parking lot and then turned to Sam. “Where are we going?”

“You’re driving, you tell me. Unless you’ve got an idea for how to find the heart, I don’t think it matters, and we’re probably best off if we keep moving.” Castiel nodded. Sam glanced over at him. After a few minutes of aimless driving, Sam cleared his throat. “Look, normally I wouldn’t ever ask this, it’s not… but if we’re gonna keep you safe, it would help if I knew what to watch for. Do you have any idea who the qareen will be for you?”

Castiel didn’t answer right away. Sam had just about given up when Castiel said, “No. I don’t. I was a little surprised it even worked, angels are often exceptions to monster targeting systems. Possibly Amelia Novak, though I doubt that, since Jimmy’s long gone.”

“You didn’t think it would work?” If not, then why kiss Dean?

“I wasn’t certain. I still don’t know if it would work with a normal angel. But I couldn’t smite it, couldn’t stop it, so I figured it couldn’t hurt to try. Dean knows it was entirely about drawing the qareen’s attention away from him, I’m sure. Because he didn’t question it.”

“So we’re not gonna see Dean attacking us?” Sam did his best to make sure it sounded like a joke. It apparently worked, as Cas rolled his eyes.

“Probably not. I wouldn’t think so. Maybe, years ago, when Dean’s acceptance as a friend and a brother was the most important thing to me.”

“It’s not still the most important thing to you?”

“It’s still very important to me. I’ve just… expanded my horizons. For one thing, I care just as much about your acceptance as his. Possibly more. You’ve worked against me, when I deserved it, but you’ve never given up on me. I’ve never had to fight to win back your trust and your friendship. So if I ever do… that’s when I’ll know I’ve screwed things up beyond forgiveness.”

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen, Cas.”

“Exactly my point.”


	10. Chapter 10

They’d pulled over for gas. Sam had taken advantage of the opportunity to use the restroom. When he came out, he stared in confusion. He wasn’t sure where Cas had gone, but Sam found himself staring at his own doppelganger hovering by the car. He pulled out his phone, which was vibrating in his pocket.

“Hey, Sam. We’ve got a lead on the heart but it’s gonna be a long search. You and Cas okay?”

“Um, we may have more than one monster around here. Because I’m staring at myself.”

Dean chuckled. “You found a mirror?”

“No, like looking at a shapeshifter or something.” Sam finally spotted Cas, who had wandered off to talk on his cell phone.

“Uh-huh.” Dean sounded completely unfazed by the revelation. “Or like looking at a qareen, which can replicate anyone’s form?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, of someone’s deepest, darkest, Donna-est desire. This thing’s wearing me.”

“You’re an idiot. We’re searching, but it may take a while. You might wanna go ahead and kiss Cas, buy yourselves some more time.”

“Kissing Cas won’t help anything if the qareen’s still looking for us! Just means it appears as my desire instead of his.”

“Yeah, unless the qareen’s, say, standing right in front of you and you can get away in its discombobulation while it adapts to the new form!”

“You’re… I gotta go.” Sam hung up as his doppelganger started moving toward Cas.

Cas turned as the doppelganger approached. “Sam?”

“Were you expecting someone else?” the thing said.

Castiel put his phone away and raised his fists. “Not really. You were going to catch up at some point. But I will fight you.”

Sam stopped. “Cas? Is this…?”

Cas didn’t take his eyes off the qareen. “Yes. Any idea how Dean’s doing on his end?”

“He needs more time.” He started toward Cas, but the qareen interrupted, knocking Sam back.

Cas moved quickly between the qareen and Sam. “I’m the one you’re after. Leave him alone.”

“Tell him not to interfere. He shouldn’t have any problem with that. Kinda seemed surprised to see me. What, you didn’t tell him who to look for?” the thing taunted.

Cas glanced back at Sam. “Sam, take the car, go find Dean, help him. I don’t think this thing can actually kill me.”

Sam got to his feet. “Sorry, Cas. Not taking that chance.” The qareen started forward, but Sam was closer and just fast enough to get his lips pressed to Cas’s before it could attack. When the qareen started shifting, Sam pulled away and grabbed Cas’s hand, pulling him toward the car.

Half a mile from the gas station, Castiel finally snapped out of shock. “I’m sorry, Sam. That was…”

“What were you thinking, telling me to leave you there? The plan was to transfer the curse to me if the qareen showed up. The qareen showed up. The plan hadn’t changed just because Dean needs more time.”

“The plan required you to kiss me.”

“If you had a problem with that, you could’ve brought it up when we were coming up with the plan. Mom would’ve gone with you while I helped Dean, you know that.”

“I was hoping we could avoid the thing long enough for Dean to find the heart. Clearly, I don’t have a problem with you kissing me. I have a problem with taking away your choice in the matter.”

Sam huffed. If he weren’t driving right now, he’d pull over and kiss Castiel again. Not that stopping was a particularly good idea, nor was kissing Castiel before they’d talked this out. But the idea that Cas wanted him and was willing to risk his damn life before he’d trap Sam into a simple kiss? Quite possibly the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for him. “Okay. Are we back to random driving, or should we head for Dean and Mom? Do we even know what happens if you try to take the curse back from me? Are you immune until it gets me, or…?”

“I don’t know. We should probably go get your mother, so that she can save you if it comes to that. I can help Dean search.”

“Okay. Call Dean, figure out where we’re meeting.” Sam checked where they were and took a guess on which way to head.

After Cas relayed the meeting spot, there was silence again. “You didn’t seem surprised by the qareen’s appearance,” Sam eventually said.

“No. I wasn’t. I knew it would be you. Perhaps I should have taken you up on your offer, but I thought that you at least would recognize it as the qareen and not be caught up in the idea of fighting something that looked just like your son. How could I ask Mary to put herself in that situation?”

“Fair enough. I’d know it wasn’t me because I am me, but Dean or Mom… yeah. Why didn’t you tell me, though? When I asked if you knew?”

“If Dean found the heart before the qareen found us, you’d have never known. If the qareen found us, you’d recognize it immediately as the monster. And this awkwardness would be delayed until after the fight.”

Sam shook his head. “Well, you’ll know immediately if the qareen catches us, too.”

“Of course I will. It won’t feel human.”

“Yeah, there’s that.” Sam held back the laugh. “There’s also that it’ll look like you.”

Cas turned away from the mirror, peering at Sam curiously. “Not Jessica? Or Amelia?”

“Jess is dead. She’s never coming back, and I’ve made my peace with that. And Amelia… she’s happy, safe, and away from me. Which is for the best, really.”

“I would disagree.” Cas went back to staring out of the window. Sam let him, and a couple minutes later, his hunch was proved correct. “The qareen will look like me?”

“Yeah. Cas, I’ve been falling for you for years.”

“Years? Really?”

“Really.” Sam looked over, holding his breath as he waited for Cas to absorb what he’d said.

“If I’d known that, I would never have let you go to the Cage alone.”

“Alone? Don’t you mean at all?”

“No, I mean alone. It’s not my place to tell you what you can and can’t do, even if you do love me. And you needed to go to the Cage to resolve your visions. But there was no reason for you to go alone.”

“I tried calling Dean. Going alone was never the plan.” Sam looked over at Cas again. “Seriously? That’s your reaction here? I should have taken you to the Cage with me?”

“What exactly do you want me to say? You already know how I feel about you, thanks to having seen my qareen’s form. The same qareen we’re still running from, by the way, so we can’t afford to get caught up too deeply in figuring this out. But if you want to hear me say it, then: Sam, I love you too, and I hope you’ll be willing to pursue this once we’ve finished this hunt.”

“Of course I’m… why would I not be willing to pursue this? Are you kidding me?”

“Just because it’s what we both want doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. If it’s going to cause problems for Dean, or Mary…”

Sam snorted. “Dean can go fuck himself. The only objection he could possibly raise is you breaking my wall, and if I can get over that enough to let you in, he can damn well accept that I’m a big boy who can make my own mistakes. He’ll probably pull the overprotective brother routine, but ignore him. It’s not like he hasn’t fucked with my head himself, letting Gadreel and Crowley possess me.”

“He asked me to.”

“When?”

“When Gadreel had taken over, put you into the dream… when he sent Crowley in. Because I couldn’t.”

“Right, because you need consent and there was no way to get it. So he sent Crowley.”

“Exactly.”

“Well then. If he trusts you enough to ask you to possess me despite the disaster that was the last time he let an angel possess me, he can deal with us being together.” Sam hesitated, looking over to Castiel. “And there better not be a next time, but if there is? If I’m possessed and you need to come in to tell me to fight back? You have my permission.”

“Sam.”

“You were willing to risk dying rather than kind of maybe tricking me into kissing you. You’re not gonna take me over just because you can, and I know that. I don’t know if giving permission in advance will work, if it’s good enough, but given some of the other things that are considered good enough for consent…”

“I wasn’t protesting you trusting me. That’s your choice and while I have trouble believing you’re making it, it is yours to make. I was protesting you saying things like that when I can’t tell you to pull over so I can hug you.”

Sam laughed. “Okay. That’s fair.”


	11. Chapter 11

They met up with Dean and Mary at an unfamiliar house. From the outside, it looked perfectly normal, but one step through the back door was enough to convince Sam they were in the right place. Witches’ tools everywhere. Herbs, less savory spell ingredients, candles, books, chalk, all of it. “Dean? Mom?”

Dean came upstairs. “Heya. Who was Cas’s qareen?”

Sam shot Cas a quick wink. “He wouldn’t let me look, said it would burn my eyes out. I think it was Naomi, though. I could hear the voice just fine.”

“Cute.” Dean looked over to Cas, waiting for an answer he could believe, but Cas didn’t say anything. “Fine. Mom thinks she’s got the heart, she just needs to dig through some stuff to find it, so you might as well stay here.”

“Okay. Cas, stay with Dean. I’ll go find Mom.”

“Sam, are you sure…”

Sam smiled. “If it’s trying to kill me, it’s the qareen. If it’s taunting me, it’s the qareen. Otherwise, it doesn’t matter. And if you and Dean spot it first, you’ll know right away it’s the qareen.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at Sam. “Who am I keeping an eye out for in case I spot the thing before Cas does?”

“Cas. So be careful.”

“Cas, huh?” Dean smirked at him. “So you gonna shut up about Donna?”

“Nope. Not unless you take away the fun in it.” Sam smirked back and headed off to find Mary.

He and Mary had almost made it to the bottom of the pile when Sam looked up to see Cas. “Hey. Where’s Dean?”

“In trouble. I came to get help.”

“Okay.” Sam turned back to the safe he and Mary had just uncovered. “Mom? Wanna do the honors?”

“Shouldn’t we be going to help Dean?”

Sam shook his head. “Best thing we can do to help Dean is to stop the qareen. He can take care of himself. I’m the one the qareen wants dead, remember? If this is its heart…”

Cas snarled and lunged at Sam. “Yep! Heart! Get it open and kill it!” Sam shouted. Silently, he fired off a prayer to Cas for help.

Through a combination of strategy and luck, Sam was able to keep the qareen from killing him while Dean and Cas arrived. Cas made a beeline for Sam, while Dean shot the lock off the box. When Mary opened it, she brought her blade down through the heart. Sam collapsed with exhaustion as the qareen burst into blue fire. Dean was beside him almost instantly. “Sammy?”

Sam took a quick assessment of himself. “I’m fine. Just tired. That thing got a couple good hits on me. You okay, Cas?”

“It wanted you, not me. I’m fine.” Cas helped Sam to his feet and poured grace into him, enough to heal the bruises and scrapes. “You’ll be okay.”

“Thanks.” Sam pulled Cas in for a quick hug. “Mom? You okay?”

“I’m fine, honey.” Mary grinned and tucked her hair behind her ears. “Actually, I’m a little disappointed. I mean, yes, I’m glad nothing tried to kill me today, but it would’ve been nice to see John again. Just for a little while.”

Sam nodded. He got that. “Come on, let’s get home. Dean, if you wanna head up to Minnesota, I’m sure Cas won’t mind taking Mom and me back to the bunker…”

“Shut up. Nothing’s gonna happen there. And so help me, if either of you two clowns says a word to her about this, I will make you regret it. Understand?”

“Why?” asked Sam. “What’s got you suddenly shy about a woman?”

“Donna deserves better than what I got to give her. I’m not leaving the Bunker. Not leaving the three of you. She’s got a great life that she loves in Minnesota.”

Mary raised an eyebrow. “And sheriffs aren’t needed in Smith County?”

“We’ve got one.”

“Who’s retiring in six months. And hasn’t named a replacement yet. And, strangely enough, knows Donna’s ex-husband and thinks he’s a douchebag. Donna and I ran into him while we were out shopping and we got to talking, and Donna mentioned she’d be willing to consider moving to Kansas if there were a job out here.”

“Mom, come on. Donna’s not gonna drop everything and move to Kansas.”

“You sure?” 

"There’s the other problem. You guys are just assuming she’d feel anything like the same way for me.” Dean turned away from them all. “She deserves better.”

“Which is exactly what I’d have said about Cas,” Sam said. He reached out and took Cas’s hand. “Dean, let Donna make that call, huh?”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Okay, Sam, is this new, or have you been forgetting to tell me something here?”

“It’s… technically, it’s not anything yet, we had a hunt to deal with. You know I could never keep that secret!”

“Yeah. I know. Especially with Cas being such a bad liar. Although I did get a little suspicious with that French movie you went to see a couple years back…”

Sam laughed. He’d forgotten about that. “Well, I was sneaking out to see Cas, but not for a date. Mark of Cain research.”


	12. Chapter 12

Back at the Bunker, Sam handed Castiel a mug of coffee. “How long have we been idiots?”

Castiel smiled as he took a sip of the coffee. “I don’t know. I think Mary and Dean figured things out before we did.”

“Yeah, probably. So what happens now? What changes between us now that this is out in the open?”

“You’re the one who has experience with romance. I don’t know that I want much to change. Aside from being permitted to be affectionate with you, of course.”

“Yeah, that one’s a given.” Sam sat on the bed beside Castiel and reached out to touch his face. “I’m with you. You pretty much live here anyway, we’re together all the time unless we’re busy with a hunt, heck, you’re even spending most nights in my room. In my bed. I need support, I know you’re here for me, no matter what. And you know the same is true of me. I don’t think we need to change anything aside from adding some romance.”

“Well then. I believe we were about to see how Buffy defeats Glory?” Castiel picked up the remote and started the next episode.

Sam set down his mug of coffee and curled into Castiel. “This one may be a little triggering for me. No spoilers, just hold me?”

“Of course.” Castiel wrapped his arms around Sam. After a moment’s hesitation, he bent his head and planted a kiss on Sam’s hair.


End file.
